I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
