I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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