I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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