This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
