its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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