i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
lol hangovers are for mortals.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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