I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
