You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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