They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I still have a little drunk in my system
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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