I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
only you would photoshop your dick
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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