just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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