someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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