How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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