remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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