And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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