You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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