last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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