she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
