I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
