im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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