Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
