Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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