If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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