im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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