Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
