Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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