he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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