As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
