I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
