ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
