what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
