the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
