Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
