oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
