It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
