I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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