who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
