i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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