I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
