My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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