Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
