now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My penis needs a shock collar
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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