Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
