I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
