hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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