I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're like the curious george of whores
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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