Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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