That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
