I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
