dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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