Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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