I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
