I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
