would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
