my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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