i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
