so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
