they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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