the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
