The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
