Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
