Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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