Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
