i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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